i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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