my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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