His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
