I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
