theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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