I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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