fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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