Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
