Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We are two peas in an std pod
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
