party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
