yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
