Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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