everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.