Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I met the friendliest cop last night
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.