the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in