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You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
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