carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.