It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
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we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
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i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.