remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed