I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN