We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
this is an emotional support booty call
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.