i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊