Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(830): View more from Texas

If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice

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(830): If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice http://tfl.nu/5b32

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.

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(609): I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak. http://tfl.nu/euel

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.

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(612): Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too. http://tfl.nu/msn4

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(765): View more from Indiana

I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.

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(765): I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart. http://tfl.nu/xlbc

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(802): View more from Vermont

Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.

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(802): Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water. http://tfl.nu/oebe

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk

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(918): my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk http://tfl.nu/q4ib

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(707): View more from California

she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.

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(707): she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me. http://tfl.nu/ol58

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas

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(225): Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas http://tfl.nu/fkrh

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(973): View more from New Jersey

My vagina just recognized that song.

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(973): My vagina just recognized that song. http://tfl.nu/3ui0

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(708): View more from Illinois

This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram

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(708): This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram http://tfl.nu/p4j5

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height

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(780): The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height http://tfl.nu/mxot

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(913): View more from Kansas

I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?

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(913): I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name? http://tfl.nu/qxdg

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(309): View more from Illinois

I stole so many things from the ER last night.

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(309): I stole so many things from the ER last night. http://tfl.nu/lt6b

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...

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(304): Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof... http://tfl.nu/amda

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(419): View more from Ohio

i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.

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(419): i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go. http://tfl.nu/8sa8

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