Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
