If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
