But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
