In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize