I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I checked into jail on foursquare
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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