New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
