I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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