Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Im part way to drunk.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize