3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
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well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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