There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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