The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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