It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
