I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
