ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
