So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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