I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
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