Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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