I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I need a beard to bite.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
