you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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