I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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