nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
