You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
