Soap is not a condiment
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
