me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
