I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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