Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
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Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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