i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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