I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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