i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
