My nipple is on Facebook.
oh god the rape fog is back!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Dating After Heartbreak
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.