I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
