ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
