so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
