youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
