I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
