I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
