its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
